Tuesday, December 27, 2011

22 weeks baby! HEEEEEY!

So my little "papya" is about 11 inches and almost a pound <3 5 months pregnant. She is looking more and more like a little newborn everyday. Her lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are forming. This little sugar butt is sleeping about 12-14 hours a day, and I sure can tell when...but right now, she is kicking all over the place!

As for mommy, my tummy is growing bigger and bigger everyday! I'm not to sure if I am able to nest this early, but I just sleep, clean, mess in the nursery, watch t.v., eat and repeat. Except I rarely vacuum, which is the most important ending of cleaning...yes, I am scared of vacuums -_-

Now as I am finished with active duty AF, and reserves, I just stay home, and I'm not always sure if I like it. I get so anxious not doing anything! I almost regret it, but that's only because my little baby girl isn't here yet. Hopefully that will change everything.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Losing all faith.

I never lost anyone till I lost my great grandfather. That was my hero, my superman. He isn't world known nor did he serve his country. But to the people who knew him, he was astounding. He loved people no matter what. He was a forgiving man, and a man of god. That's why, even though somedays I really don't know if I believe in God or what not, he did and he has to be somewhere good. His funeral was my first. It was the worst thing I've ever gone through.
Cold, hard skin. That wasn't him. Make up on his face. He looked like a clown. So the last time I really saw him was just days before, and he still wasn't him.
People say time heals and things get easier, but it hasn't. Four months and still waiting for some kind of reassurance. I know he was proud of me. I know he loved me, more than anyone else I know. Just don't see it fair he had to go. He wasn't that old, only 75, and just days before he was working on the pool, and hammering out the house. He never slowed down, even when he was told to. That was him. I feel guilty I wasn't there more, being active duty was hard.
I just hope he knows how much I love him.
This was rambling, but felt good to say it.

introducing me, k thanks.

I am a 22 year old female with too much going on in my head, that I deciding to write (type) it down. New mother. I am married to military, just went USAF Reserves from active duty. I got one fur-baby Marley, as the pup-pup. I have only a few people who I call friends, and a family I don't really get along with. I lost my hero just 13 months ago, and haven't been the same since. That's me, basically, all in a nut shell...or a web post.